Madeira's Quinta Splendida: Paradise Found (Wellness & Botanical Bliss!)
Quinta Splendida: Paradise Found… Maybe? (A Rambling Review!)
Okay, so here's the deal. I just got back from Quinta Splendida in Madeira, and honestly, my brain is still a glorious, sun-drenched, slightly confused mess of memories. I'm talking about this place, and I'm talking about it honestly. Forget the glossy brochures – welcome to my unfiltered, slightly chaotic take on this "Wellness & Botanical Bliss" paradise. Buckle up, buttercups, because this is going to be a bumpy, but hopefully insightful, ride.
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- Keywords: Quinta Splendida, Madeira, Wellness Retreat, Botanical Garden, Hotel Review, Accessible Hotel, Spa, Swimming Pool, Restaurant, Free Wi-Fi, Family-Friendly, Madeira Hotels.
- Meta Description: My honest, chaotic, and hopefully helpful review of Quinta Splendida in Madeira. Find out about accessibility, spa, dining, and whether it's really paradise or just a really pretty postcard. (Spoiler alert: It's complicated…)
First Impressions & The "Accessibility" Aspect (Important Stuff First!)
Right off the bat, let me say, accessibility is important. This is Madeira, a place of stunning slopes, so it's crucial. Quinta Splendida claims to be accessible. And, well… it's complicated. There's an elevator (yes!), and they have facilities for disabled guests. The problem is, Madeira’s general geography is pretty unforgiving. Some areas, like the botanical gardens (more on those later, trust me), are a bit of a trek, with some slopes as treacherous as a politician’s promise. I didn't personally need full wheelchair access, but I did see some struggles. They tried, bless their hearts, but Madeira itself presents a challenge. So, check the specifics rigorously before you book.
The Room: My Little Fortress of Solitude (Mostly!)
I’m going to say it: my room was great! It had Air conditioning (thank god!), Blackout curtains, Free Wi-Fi (the holy grail), Slippers, a Refrigerator, and a Window that opens. Oh, and a Coffee/tea maker – a lifesaver! It also had an In-room safe box, which I never used because I'm incredibly trusting and forgetful. Daily housekeeping was a quiet but consistent blesser. The desk/laptop space was perfect, even though I often worked from the bed, but that's just me. The bathroom was pretty good, standard Hotel stuff, but it did have a Hair dryer.
Now, let's talk about the details…
- The Beds: They're comfy. Not "cloud nine" comfy, but good enough for a solid night's sleep.
- Soundproofing: Pretty good. I occasionally heard a distant "Good morning!" from the hallway, but mostly, silence reigned.
- Internet Access: The Internet access – wireless/Wi-Fi [free] worked wonderfully for everything, including streaming movies.
- Additional toilet: Nope, didn't that luxury unfortunately.
Things to Do… and How to Relax. Ah, The Bliss! (Mostly)
Okay, so the "Wellness & Botanical Bliss" part is where Quinta Splendida really tries to shine. And mostly succeeds.
Spa/Sauna/Pool and View: The spa is fantastic, the Pool with a view is just breathtaking (Swimming Pool [outdoor]). You can actually see the ocean down below. They have all the standard things Steamroom, Jacuzzi, Massage everything you want in a Hotel, and I just wanted to live there. Seriously considering a full-time residency there and taking up Body scrubs and Body wraps.
Fitness center: The Fitness center is, um, it's there. It's a gym, it has things, but I am not a gym person. I went once, got scared, and retreated to the Poolside bar for some well-deserved refreshment.
Botanical Gardens: The Star of the Show (Maybe?) The gardens are the absolute highlight. Breathtaking, colorful, and filled with more exotic plants than I can name. Wandering through them is a true sensory experience. The air smells… well, it smells like life! I spent hours there with my camera, trying to capture the beauty. However… and it's a big "however"… remember my accessibility comments? The gardens are hilly. Prepare to walk. Prepare to be slightly breathless. But, prepare to be amazed.
Dining, Drinking & Snacking: Fueling the Fun (and Occasional Meltdowns)
Listen, no vacation is perfect without food. And Quinta Splendida mostly delivered.
Restaurants/Dining: They had several Restaurants Restaurants, Bar and Poolside bar. I love Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, and Salad in restaurant.. They had various types of Buffet in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant.
Food options: They offer Alternative meal arrangement, Asian cuisine in restaurant, and Breakfast [buffet]. You can also dine in your room with their Breakfast in room, Room service [24-hour]
The Bar: Ah, the bar. My happy place. The Happy hour was a godsend after a long day of walking and admiring plants. The bartenders were friendly, the drinks were strong, and the Bottle of water was always readily available.
Quirks, Imperfections, and Hilarious Moments (Because Life Isn't Perfect!)
- The "Lost in Translation" Moment: One morning, I ordered Breakfast in room and received a plate of… well, I'm not entirely sure what it was. It looked vaguely like a breakfast burrito, but filled with something that tasted suspiciously like… fish? I bravely ate it (because vacation!), but it remains a mystery.
- Bathroom Phone Shenanigans: I tried the Bathroom phone. It actually has a Bathroom phone! I couldn't seem to call anybody outside of the Hotel, so I dialed the front desk. The conversation, from the toilet, was… awkward. They didn't seem to understand why I was calling them from the bathroom.
- The Gift Shop: They had a Gift/souvenir shop. This is where I bought a ridiculously overpriced (and slightly embarrassing) miniature ceramic donkey. I thought it was cute at the time. I named him Bartholomew. He now sits on my desk, mocking me. (Worth it.)
Service & Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
- The Staff: The staff was generally lovely. Very polite and helpful, even when I was probably being a slightly demanding tourist.
- Wi-Fi: Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (I've already said it, but it deserves repeating.)
- Shuttle: There's an Airport transfer service that can be arranged.
- Other facilities: They also offered Concierge, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes, and Taxi service.
For the Kids & Family-Friendly Aspects:
- Family/child friendly: The place seemed kid-friendly, although I didn't really see a lot of young children around. Babysitting service, Kids facilities, and Kids meal were all advertised.
Cleanliness, Safety & the COVID-19 Factor
The Good: Everything seemed very clean. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment, and CCTV in common areas were definitely in place.
The Minor Hiccups: I did notice the occasional slightly-wobbly table, but it’s fine.
Getting Around: The Madeira Maze
- Parking Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], and Valet parking all available.
- Taxis Taxi service available
Overall Verdict:
Quinta Splendida is a beautiful place, and overall, I had a fantastic time. It's not perfect (nothing is), but it's got heart, charm, incredible gardens, and a generally relaxing vibe. If you're looking for a wellness retreat with stunning scenery and are prepared for the occasional Madeira-specific quirk, then I say, go for it. Just be prepared for the hills (and the occasional mystery breakfast burrito).
Would I go back? Yes. And I'd definitely visit Bartholomew the Donkey.
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Okay, buckle up, buttercup, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-ironed itinerary. This is Quinta Splendida, Madeira, unfiltered. Prepare for some serious botanic bliss… and maybe a little bit of me losing my damn mind.
Day 1: Altitude Adjustment & Basil Babble (aka, "I Left My Brain On The Plane")
- Morning (or what I think is morning, thanks jet lag): Arrive at Funchal Airport. OMG, the air! It smells like… well, it smells like Madeira! Citrus and something floral and just… happy. Try to navigate the rental car chaos. (Note to self: Next time, book a damn automatic). Drive up to Quinta Splendida. It's supposed to be all 'wellness' and 'serenity,' but my first thought is: "Wow, this is a lot of stairs." Lug the suitcase. Struggle. Swear silently.
- Afternoon: Finally unpacked, and I discover my room has a balcony. Like, a real balcony. With a view of… everything. Green, green, glorious green! The Botanical Garden beckons. I wander around, completely overwhelmed by the sheer profusion of plants. Honestly, I’m a plant killer, but suddenly I want every damn thing. I see this one basil plant, practically begging to be inhaled. Try to hold myself back. I will be patient!
- Evening: Dinner at the hotel restaurant. They have this amazing tuna steak. Seriously, the best tuna steak I've ever had. And the wine. Oh, the wine! I have a sudden emotional bond with Portuguese wine. Spend a good hour just staring at the view, feeling genuinely peaceful, and then, probably, getting a little tipsy. This is definitely going to be a trip.
Day 2: Flower Power & Waterfall Wonders (or, "My Legs Are Screaming, But My Soul is Singing")
- Morning: Determined to be 'well', start with the spa. The massage. I sign up for a massage, thinking I'll be all zen after. I'm not sure I was ever that relaxed. My masseuse. she was like, a magician! I feel like a different person after.
- Afternoon: Hike the Levada das 25 Fontes. This is where things get REAL. Beautiful waterfalls. But the trail… it's long. And up. And down. And slippery. I nearly ate dirt about five times. The scenery, though. Worth it. Absolutely worth it. Took a million pictures. Dropped my camera. Cried a little. Took more pictures.
- Evening: Exhausted, order room service. The chicken soup is simple but delicious. I'm pretty sure my body is vibrating slightly. Stare out at the moonlit balcony. Make a mental note to invest in better hiking boots.
Day 3: Garden Glory & Tea Time Tears (aka, "The Basil Incident")
- Morning: Another stroll through the botanical gardens. This time, with a purpose. I find the basil. I stare at it. I circle it. It's a beast. I contemplate a daring heist. Am I really going to… No, I will just go back in a week, with a small bag, to take a small piece of it. Okay! Take more pictures, make mental notes, and pretend I have a green thumb.
- Afternoon: Visit the Quinta’s Orchid Garden. I love them all! They are pretty! Oh! Then, the Tea Room. Lovely views. So many kinds of tea, and the pastries are decadent. I get a little choked up thinking about my grandma because she would have loved it here and missed her. It gets me.
- Evening: Dinner at a local "poncha" bar. Poncha is Madeira's famous drink and is made from fresh lemon juice. So delicious. I think. I definitely don't remember everything. Laugh a lot. Sing very poorly. The group is fun, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who still remembers the name of the place.
Day 4: Funchal Frenzy & Cable Car Capers (or, "Is That a Banana Boat?")
- Morning: Take a taxi to Funchal, the capital! Explore the city. The market. The colors! The flowers! The noise! I try to haggle for some souvenirs from a friendly vendor. I fail miserably. End up buying way more than I intended.
- Afternoon: Ride the cable car up to Monte Palace Tropical Garden. OMG, even more gardens! The views are insane. Absolutely bonkers. You'll see a view. Some of the views are so beautiful, I'm sure I'll never forget them. But, the view… breathtaking! I ride the toboggans down. I scream. I laugh. I almost fall out. Adrenaline overload!
- Evening: Another delicious meal in Funchal, a small traditional place.
Day 5: Departure Day Despair (or, "Madeira, You've Got Me Hooked")
- Morning: One last wander through the botanical gardens. One last whiff of that magical air. Damn it, I'm going to miss this place.
- Afternoon: Time to pack. My suitcase is heavier (thank you, souvenirs and a sneaky handful of basil seeds. Don't tell).
- Evening: Head to the airport. On my way out. I get a very sad feeling. I don't want to go. Damn you, Madeira! You've hooked me. Already dreaming of my return.
Quirky Ramblings & Emotional Breakdown Points:
- Seriously, the plants. The sheer variety. I'm pretty sure I saw a plant that looked like it was winking at me.
- The air. I want to bottle it and sell it. Or just breathe it forever.
- I did not do any Yoga. Bad me.
- The kindness of the locals. Everyone is so friendly, so helpful. They just want you to have a good time.
- I can't stop thinking about that basil plant…
- This place is magical. Pure, unadulterated magic. I'm already planning my return. And this time, I'm bringing a suitcase for all the basil.
So yeah, that's Madeira, in a nutshell. Messy, beautiful, and utterly unforgettable. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go order some more Madeira wine. And maybe start planning my next trip. Because, trust me, you will. You WILL want to go back.
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Quinta Splendida: Paradise Found? (My Honestly Messy Take)
Okay, so, Quinta Splendida. Is it *actually* paradise? Don't lie.
Look, "paradise" is a strong word. My first impression? My jaw *literally* dropped. Seriously. That walk from the entrance? Oof. Those flowers, the sea views, the… well, it's a lot. It's genuinely *beautiful*. But paradise? Nah. Not without a proper espresso machine in the room, anyway. (More on that later. My caffeine needs are *serious*.)
Consider it more… a very, very nice escape with a healthy dose of gorgeousness. Think slightly-flawed-but-fantastically-tempting-chocolate-cake-with-amazing-frosting kind of paradise. You know, still a *treat* but not perfect.
What's the deal with the "Wellness" part? Is it all kale smoothies and enforced yoga retreats? Because, ew.
Alright, breathe. No forced chanting. Yes, there are yoga classes, but you can *totally* avoid them. I did. Several times. (My yoga practice is, let's just say, 'sporadic.') The wellness thing is more… subtle. Think: tranquil gardens, a lovely pool, spa treatments. They have a sauna, which I *highly* recommend, especially after a hike. It’s… the anti-anxiety sweat. Like, you're literally shedding the stresses of life. Just glorious.
However, the food… it’s pretty darn healthy. Lots of fresh, local ingredients. Which, for me, meant a *lot* of vegetables. I’m a meat-and-potatoes kind of gal, so I definitely had to embrace the “eat your greens” mantra. Surprisingly, it was all wonderfully prepared. Okay, fine, I'll admit it: the salads were actually delicious. But, please, give me a burger option for dinner once in a while! The menu could use a little… *oomph*.
The botanical gardens... are they really that impressive? I'm not a plant person.
Even *I*, a person who usually regards plants with a vague sense of "meh," was gobsmacked. Seriously, the gardens are incredible. The variety is insane! Colors, smells, textures… It's like walking through a kaleidoscope of nature. And, get this, I even *enjoyed* the guided tour! (I know, I know, surprising!) The guide was eccentric, passionate, and knew his plants like the back of his hand. He introduced me to species I'd never even *heard* of... and I wouldn't have known the difference between a fern and a…well, another fern, before that tour.
However, the terrain can be a little challenging for the mobility-impaired, and I saw one very grumpy toddler refusing to be impressed. So, your mileage may vary, especially if you have little feet. But for me? Totally worth it. I took about a thousand pictures, and still can’t decide which to post first.
Let's talk about the rooms. Are they luxurious? Anything I *really* need to know?
Okay, the rooms… They're nice. Clean. Comfortable. Spacious (or at least, the one I had was.) The view from my balcony was *stunning* - ocean, mountains, the whole shebang. But… and this is a *big* but… the coffee situation. I have a *serious* coffee addiction. And the in-room coffee was… let's just say it wasn't up to scratch. It was weak and watery. Like, sad bean water. I survived by making a daily pilgrimage to the breakfast buffet, which had a *decent* (but not exceptional) espresso machine.
So, my advice? Pack your own coffee maker. Or, like me, you may develop a daily routine that involves a slightly panicked dash to the breakfast room. And a constant internal debate about the ethics of smuggling pastries back to your room. (Don’t judge me!)
Also, the bathroom was fine. You know. Functioning. Perfectly adequate. Again, not the highlight. I would've loved a larger mirror, but that's just my vanity speaking.
What about the staff? Are they friendly?
The staff? Generally lovely! Super helpful, friendly, and always willing to go the extra mile. English is widely spoken, which is a massive plus for a language-challenged traveler like myself. They were incredibly patient with my attempts at ordering in Portuguese, which were frankly, pathetic. (I blame the regional wine… and my inherent lack of language skills.)
I will say though, service can be a *little* sporadic at times. Once, I waited almost an hour for a drink at the pool bar. (My fault, I should've gotten up and flagged someone down! But the sun was so nice…) Don’t be afraid to be assertive. It's not a negative; rather, it’s just a cultural thing. Just smile, be friendly, and you'll be fine. Unless you're hangry. Then all bets are off.
Is it good for couples, families, or solo travelers?
All of the above, *mostly*. I saw a mix of couples, families, and solo travelers. It felt like a safe and welcoming environment. The quiet atmosphere lends itself well to couples looking for a romantic getaway. The gardens, the pool… all great for families, though I did see a few (loud) temper-tantrums. Solo travelers, like me, will feel comfortable too. There's enough to keep you busy and distracted (the gardens, the spa) and plenty of places to relax on your own. You definitely won't feel like you're intruding.
However, don’t expect wild parties. It's not that kind of place. It's more peaceful retreat than party palace. Be prepared for a lot of quiet evenings… which, depending on your personality, is either heaven or… mildly boring. A good book, some wine, and maybe a late-night raid of the hotel snack bar… well, a girl can dream, right?
Okay, you mentioned hiking... Is the area good for that?
YES! Oh my god, yes. Madeira is a hiker’s paradise. The Quinta is a great base for exploring the island. There are stunning trails everywhere. And you can access a really spectacular hike, on the East Coast, right from the doorstep. You can literally walk out of the hotel and into the mountains. The views? Unforgettable. Seriously, be prepared to be winded… not just from the exercise, but from the sheer beauty. They have some easier Levada walks too, andTop Places To Stay
